Good morning, folks and welcome to a special Middle School edition of Feed Your Fight.

I don’t know about you, but I am enjoying the hell out of Elon Musk and Donald Trump’s Big Beautiful Break Up!

I can’t get enough of the escalating flame war between the couple whose larger-than-life bromance quickly eclipsed the paltry likes of Brangelina and Bennifer, generating round-the-clock coverage, and inspiring a multitude of portmanteaus like Elonald, Trusk, Mump, and, my own creation, Musky-Rump.💘

If you’ve somehow missed the fun, here’s a quick play-by-play of the implosion so far. Apologies for any errors in chronology, there’s been a lot to follow.

THE BROMANCE IMPLODES

Friday, May 30: Back when things were still beautiful in billionaire bro land 💗

With the end of his 130-day stint as a “Special Government Employee” nearing and against the backdrop of signficant business woes at Tesla, Elon (sporting a black eye and a black “The DogeFather” t-shirt) leaves Washington, DC. 🗝️At a televised Oval Office event, Trump gives Elon a golden key to the White House and showers him with praise and gratitude, calling him “one of the greatest business leaders and innovators the world has ever produced,” who has “worked tirelessly helping lead the most sweeping and consequential government reform program in generations.” With a smug smile, Elon bows and nods awkwardly for the cameras. Trump says repeatedly that Elon “is not really leaving.”

Saturday, June 1: Trouble brews…

Over the weekend, Trump revoked his nomination of Elon ally Jared Isaacman to head NASA. Sources say that White House personnel director Sergio Gor helped turn Trump against Isaacman by highlighting his past donations to Democrats. (Ewwww Democrats, they’re so gross. They’re definitely NOT invited to the pool party.)

Sunday, June 2: Elon goes on CBS Sunday Morning to bash the Big Beautiful Bill 🔨

Elon takes to TV to share his doubts about the budget bill. He says it can be big or it can be beautiful but it can’t be both. He personally great prefers a beautiful, slim bill. (Perhaps a dig at Trump who’s clearly obsessed with his own considerable weight?)

Tuesday, June 3: The tweet heard round the world

Elon takes to X to share a difficult confession with the world (see below). But he begins by blaming Congress for the deficit ballooning bill, not Trump.

Wednesday, June 4: Elon doubles down

Musk calls for a new bill without all the excess spending. Something slim and pretty.

Then he starts highlighting Trump’s hypocrisy by digging up Trump’s old tweets and resharing them.

Thursday, June 5: Trump responds

At noon, Trump addresses Musk’s comments by saying he’s just not sure they can be friends any more.

Trump also says Elon is sour grapes because his Big Beautiful Bill cuts EV subsidies and that he’s mad about Trump’s decision to pull Jared Isaacman’s nomination for head of NASA.

Elon fires back 10 minutes later with a competing bill name and vision (again, harping on Trump’s physique and obsession with beauty.)

💣Musk drops “the really big bomb” by insinuating that Trump is in the Epstein files and ends by wishing Trump a nice day. ZING!👊

That afternoon, Elon continues to blast Trump’s One Big, Beautiful Bill, labeling it The Big Ugly spending Bill, and calling it a “disgusting abomination” that contains a “MOUNTAIN of DISGUSTING PORK.” He also claims (as he has in the past) that he is fine with cutting EV subsidies.

Elon (who spent over $300 million to help elect Trump) claims that Trump would never have gotten elected without him and accuses him of “such ingratitude.”

Trump counters by saying Elon was “wearing thin” and diagnosing him with “Trump derangement syndrome” a common problem among people who leave the warm embarce of his amazing administration and “just go crazy”. He claims the best way to reduce government spending is to cancel Musk’s government contracts.

Elon fires back by posting a poll on X asking who thinks we need to create a new political party (which supporters quickly dubbed “The America Party”.)

Trump says he’s either going to sell or donate the red Tesla he bought to show Elon how much he cares that time he turned the White House’s South Lawn into a Tesla showroom back in March when Tesla’s sales had tumbled. FYI, Trump’s Tesla has very low miles as it turns out that US Presidents are not actually allowed to drive. He only bought it as a symbol of his undying devotion to Elon, a sharp about-face from his 2023 post that plug-in cars should “ROT IN HELL.”

June 6: The cruelest cut of all - the silent treatment 🔇

On Friday, Trump told reporters at CNN, "I'm not even thinking about Elon. He's got a problem, the poor guy's got a problem." And he told ABC reporters who reached out to ask him about a call he supposedly had scheduled with Elon that day:

Sounds like Musk might need to get Pete Hegseth to pass Trump a note during math class asking him to meet outside under the bleachers at lunch to try to patch things up. 🗒️I’m sure Hegseth won’t mess that up. Right?

Stay tuned and please pass the popcorn! 🍿

Meanwhile, please enjoy your moment of Zen below from Senator Bernie Sanders.